Wednesday, January 11, 2012

W. Mitt Romney: He's a Real Stiffy!

As last night's New Hampshire Republican Primary proved, W. Mitt Romney showed once again just how tepid his support amongst Republican voters really is. Coming in at a Tebow-esque 35%, Romney wiggled and weaved his way to the least inspired victory since last week! It's interesting to ponder the ramifications of a Romney candidacy, given the lack of enthusiasm thus far. From the looks of it, we might be staring at a horse race to be the Non-Romney, a candidate that conservatives can snuggle up to and pool all their pea-brained, limited government, personal responsibility, economic yak n' dash ideologies behind and really show that socialist, wealth-distributor Obama a thing or two in the general. The bad news for Republicans is, Romney really is the only guy they have who stands a chance with independents. I mean, you wanna talk about fringe candidates? Rick Perry talked about seceding from the United States for god's sake. And speaking of God, Rick Santorum's religious ideologies square him up with roughly 14% of all registered voters. Ron Paul wants to shut down the Department of Education and immediately withdraw all American Armed Forces from around the world. While I think that is a noble idea, it's simply not practical. And Newt Gingrich has been married three times! These guys thought Clinton was bad! Basically what this all boils down to is that the best these tax-cut loving nascar fans can hope for this November is the big stiffy in a business suit, W. Mitt. Obama has to be liking his chances.

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